meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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