your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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