I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
