Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
