Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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