i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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