She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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