TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
