For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize