gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
