what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
