Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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