Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
