Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
