How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
