So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
