At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
