Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You dont lie about slip and slides
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
