My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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