fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
