I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
