I hope mine doesn't look like that
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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