You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
