'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
