saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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