I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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