That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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