member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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