it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
