The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
