So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
