And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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