guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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