if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
