24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
