just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
