I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
