Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
