oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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