What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
