Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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