i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
