Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
