if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
