More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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