omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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