There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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