Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
