I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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