does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
