i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
