Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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