I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
