I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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