she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize