I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
