Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
