Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
