Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
