So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
