I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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