Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
