i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
