i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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