She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
