just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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