he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
