i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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