Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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