This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
