I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
