id be glad to
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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