I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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