just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
