by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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