Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
